Working and Wondering IV

With no destination in mind, I walk through the crowded streets looking and listening. So many people with so much to do, they all hurry back and forth rushing toward their death as fast as they can. No one stops to talk to a stranger; many are not talking to anyone, just running their lonely race with infinity. A few lost individuals are just sitting and waiting for infinity, an empty beer bottle at their side. Perhaps I will join them; there is a strange peace that seems to be available by surrendering everything and waiting for death.
Somehow I have arrived at the church once again. The doors are open now and people are going in; I guess I’ll join them and try to talk with God once more. I climb the stairs and enter through the massive doorway. Many people are seated and more are entering. People are preparing for a service of some kind. I sit in a dark corner where no one will notice me and wait for whatever might come next.
“God, are you still here?”, I ask timidly.
No answer. I guess He didn’t like it when I walked out on him earlier. I don’t think I want to know what happens when you irritate God.
The service begins, a Saturday night mass. People are praying, singing; reverence and peace surrounds me. Why don’t I get any of this peace? I guess God is too busy with all of these good people to bother with me. After all, I ignored him for most of my life; I shouldn’t expect top billing.
“We’ll talk later God”, I promise, hoping that He is making the same promise back to me.
The service ends and the good people return to their race with death outside. Back out into the street they hurry; there are so many things they must do right now.
I slowly walk into the gathering darkness, tired and confused. The excitement and noise of Barcelona at night is beginning to build. Soon the abuelas and abuelos, the ninas and the ninos will be sleeping quietly. Those closest to infinity rest easier, the rest of us struggle, always searching without knowing what it is we hope to find. A night of hard drinking will just erase the questions but never bring any answers. Yet the crowds are beginning to gather. Many of my fellow wanderers need to be busy erasing for a while. Getting answers is so much harder than forgetting the questions.
Outside one of the clubs I stand in the shadows, looking inside, listening to the loud talk and the constant laughter. I can go in and join the noisy, laughing crowd. I can go back to the church and try to deal with the answers I am being given. I can stand here and wonder.
I reject all of the obvious options and turn away and walk slowly down to the sea.
There is just enough wind to make the slightest sound of the surf audible to my tired ears. I walk along the beach to the quiet area below the walk. Soon the homeless and the drunks will be finding a place to sleep here but, for the moment, I am alone.
“God, are you here? Do I have to be in church to talk to you?” I ask aloud.
I think even Gods voice can’t be so big here. But I have been wrong before.
I sit in the sand and wait for an answer. There is no shouting like the experience in the church, just silence.
I think maybe God works with us however we choose. I wanted answers right away in the church and I got them, all at once. Now I want peace, perhaps understanding will follow if I wait long enough.

About justjoe

Reader, writer and retired entrepreneur. Enjoying life!
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6 Responses to Working and Wondering IV

  1. Norene says:

    abuelas? abuelos? ninas? ninos?

  2. justjoe says:

    grandmas, grandpas, baby girls, baby boys

  3. Asta says:

    Exactly where is the facebook like button ?

  4. Norene says:

    danka

  5. I would like to say thanks very much for the job you have made in writing this post. I am hoping the same most effective work from you down the road too.

  6. justjoe says:

    It’s on the “About” page.

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